First let me be clear, this is a voluntary disclosure.
The Presidential Election today, I heard, concluded with an impressive voters turnout. I was at the polling station at 6.55 in the morning, and a queue of about 50 people had already formed outside. I waited in the queue for sometime, my head heavy with the options I have been weighing for the past month. I could not help but notice the enthusiasm in the faces around me. These were people I knew who could not afford the luxury of smiling wholeheartedly, and I felt good for a minute.
And then it just happened. I turned back, went home, got dressed up and went to work.
What happened?
I changed my mind, within seconds. For about a month I had been looking at two options, and at this point both looked stupid to me, so I just let go. I had tried reasoning before, but to no avail, so I finally let intuition take over. I don’t feel proud about it, but this was one of those moments where you feel helpless when faced with a decision, and I wanted to take the easy way out.
This is why it happened.
When Maithripala Sirisena made his first appearance as a candidate, I wanted to take his side. I almost wrote a lengthy rant about how corrupt the President and his henchmen were and why we need a change. But then I hesitated a bit. When many of my friends were busy forming opinions, I never really opened up. But I was watching.
The campaign, by both candidates, was horrible. Rajapaksa had the upper hand with resources, I guess, and he went to unacceptable extremes with it. Maithripala, who didn’t own any media institutions like his rival did, leveraged social media and the internet. VentureBeat, Mashable and Fast Company greeted me with Maithripala’s modi-fied persona (pun intended?) at some point during the day (although Rajapaksa did loom large at times). I was truly disappointed at the President’s approach to this election alone (setting aside the fact that he was leading Sri Lanka’s race towards eventual anarchy and doom), and Maithripala’s course of action did not make me feel any better. Those horrid speeches at rallies and TV spots were all examples of condescending propaganda. “The ignorant people in this country will buy any [insert four letters] we sell” seemed to be their resolution. Thus, the two options: vote Maithripala and hope that I helped end this nosedive towards failure OR vote for some unknown guy sporting a tuk/car/tractor and be happy with the fact that I exercised my right to vote.
However hard I tried, I could not convince myself that Maithripala was the answer. Strong Man vs. Strong Institutions theory didn’t seem good enough to me. Despite the excellent campaigns that urged our people to exercise this basic right today, I chose not to. I chose to live on as if this election never happened. I chose not to contribute as a citizen of this country. A lot of people I know seem to believe in the idea that some change should come, I wanted to believe that change should not be uncertain. I repeat, I don’t feel proud about what I did today, but this not a confession. Neither is this a self-justifying claim. You already heard it: this is a voluntary disclosure.
Mark Twain said, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect” (which I quote not in defense of my stance today) was what seems to have eaten into my head this morning. Whatever way it turns out, I was not a part of it. It was just the way I wished things to be. Maybe in a few years I would regret what I did today. But I live through my regrets daily so I doubt if it would make a difference. I didn’t end up with a purple finger today, because Politics is increasingly becoming a sour soup I can’t seem to gulp down anymore.
Yes, I am a strange being, thank you.
But as always, it feels better when you get things off your chest.
Leave a Reply