I have identified as an atheist for many years. There have been times I’ve rejected the label because of all the baggage that comes with it, but I’m comfortable introducing myself as such for now.
What follows is a concise account of my journey into the realms of unbelief.
I have broken this down to 7 stages. I can’t remember how much time I spent in each one, not that it matters now. These are not siloed phases either. The boundaries, at least for me, have been permeable, in that the idiosyncrasies of one feeds into the other.
You may have walked a different path. This is strictly my experience and nothing more. But if you’re currently stuck somewhere in this maze, you may find this helpful.
1. Doubt
Everyone harbours doubts. Some repress those doubts and choose total commitment. While I think this kind of fanaticism is harmful as a whole, some of these fanatics are more dangerous than others. They wouldn’t, for instance, hesitate to kill in the name of their religion. Some others resort to other forms of bigotry, like influencing social norms and policy.
I would choose a state of confusion and doubt any day over blind devotion. Realizing that I was ready to be “ideologically promiscuous” was what set me on this path.
2. Contempt for one’s own religious tribe
Once you start doubting, you’re bound to exercise some introspection. That leads to healthy scepticism, and in some cases, contempt, of your own religious community.
3. Acceptance (of the possibility of leaving your faith)
So much of our lives are intertwined with religion, and in the beginning, leaving your faith seems a near impossible task. But being critical of your own beliefs can do wonders. You begin to see that religion is simply a set of ideas you can choose not to follow.
4. Revolt (against all faith & all faithful)
This phase made me an obnoxious militant. Once I left the faith, I started seeing everyone still following those ideals as intellectually inferior. I started speaking against them and the beliefs they held in every turn.
This was the logical extreme of the contempt I developed in #2.
It took me a while to realize that this insufferable persona was not doing me any favours. You may have skipped this step altogether, in which case I envy you, but I’m glad to have gone through this and to have learned my lesson.
5. Compulsion to “save” others (a toned down version of #4)
Getting through phase #4 didn’t stop me from being condescending towards the religious. I had to work on my tone and choice of words, especially during interactions online. I was quite trigger-happy, and would insert myself into countless conversations which ended with the other party being preached to on the virtues of unbelief.
None of those conversations were productive. I would always get defensive, they would, too, and none of us were any wiser by the end of it.
6. Disinterest < — I’m currently here
I think I’m at a point where I don’t make things personal anymore. Anybody’s faith is their own business, and I’m happy as long as they don’t try to shove it down my throat or someone else’s.
Taking the advice of sane friends, I have also stopped discussing religion altogether, online and offline.
7. I don’t know
Maybe there is nowhere to go after #6. I don’t know yet.
Here’s something I know for sure: you don’t end up at #6 overnight. I certainly didn’t. You don’t stay there all the time either. Once in a while, you’re compelled to visit #5 (I may be doing this right now with this piece.) Some of those attempts are justifiable.
And dare I say it, we need people in all these stages.
Above all, we need people to doubt.
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