Of course, I’m talking about school. And if you’re Sri Lankan, you’d know exactly what I mean.
In Grade 10, as an elective subject, I took French, because it had gotten in to my head for some reason that the language would be easy to learn. This was a mistake. I ended up earning a Simple pass for French in my O/Levels.
I also took English Literature and IT; literature because I’ve always had a fascination for it, and IT because I had this foggy ambition of becoming a Software Engineer one day. I’ve retained my love for literature but I never pursued an Engineering career. This had to do with me flunking my A/Levels, for which I chose to study the Physical Sciences stream (Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry.)
Back in those days, I had no grand expectations. Everything I did in school was so that I could be done with it and get to the next thing, and then on to the next. All of it were temporaty, unremarkable stops on a road that led nowehere. None of it mattered.
The first three years after school weren’t particularly productive either. I studied CIMA and completed all its exams. Immediately afterwards I started reading for ACCA and CIM, only to push them aside after one year. I also studied diplomacy for one-and-a-half years, intern-ed at an NGO for 3 months, and contributed to a UNICEF blog for 6 months until I finally settled for a full time job. I was there for two-and-a-half years, doing all sorts of things, ranging from data entry to marketing management.
Today, at 23, I’m a businessman. French, Literature, IT, the physical sciences, or diplomacy have little relevance in my day-to-day work. Until very recently I was dealing with the anguish that I’ve wasted a rather embarrassing amount of time before settling for something I had genuinely wanted to do.
But that was just a lie I kept telling myself, a pessimist’s escape. In hindsight, I’m thankful for those wasted years. Had I not tried my hand at those seemingly unrelated disciplines, had the circumstances been any different, there is probability that I would not be here, writing this down.
It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the summit.
– Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Of course, the summit is still a long way off. And I don’t know if I’d ever reach it. The more I think about it, the more I realize, it doesn’t matter if I make it.
The journey was, and will be, important. The failed Engineering dream, the mindless droning feeling empty and purposeless for days on end, the forgotten notes; they all make sense. Through each of them I had learned a lesson, that one’s true calling is never the one easily found.
Maybe I won’t stop here, maybe I will fail, and move on. But I will enjoy every step along the way.
Lest we forget, not all those who wander are lost.
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